Mediating Complex Physical Custody Schedules

Complicated Physical Custody Scheduling and Scheduling Processes

Introduction

Physical custody schedules frequently follow 2-week period rotations and are most often structurally based on sharing of the Children on alternating weekends. How weekdays are allocated varies more greatly from family to family and depends on the parties’ geographic proximity to one another and/or to the schools that the children attend. These schedules are more simplistic and static except for holiday sharing and vacation travel.

However, a 2-week regular schedule does not always fit where there are competing considerations such as frequent business travel, deployment in the military, or where the parties live far apart from one another, or where a party has a non-traditional employment schedule. Approaches to complex custody options are addressed in this article.

The more complicated situations require the most thought and nuance and are addressed first. These are agreed scheduling processes and not pre-determined schedules. The hallmark of couples who successfully practice ongoing physical custody scheduling is their mutual desire to assure the Children’s regular access to both parents, and the parties’ submission to putting the interests of the Children over their own convenience and ability to plan farther into the future. This co-parenting maturity takes flexibility and regular communication between the parties. The parties agree on a process to follow to set the schedule.

Employment Dependent Scheduling

Where employment schedules are “static” (meaning they are irregular compared to 9-to-5 schedules, but the actual schedule is the same each week) the overnight schedule tends to logically follow, and childcare needs may be part of the plan.

Irregular Employment Schedules. Where employment schedules are irregular (on-call employment obligations, etc.) a few tasks may be part of the scheduling process; such as providing the work schedule to the opposite parent within 24 hours of receiving it, along with a proposed overnight schedule for the period; or providing the work schedule to the opposite parent and then the opposite parent makes a proposed overnight schedule. Who should make the first proposal? That depends. If one party only has a few options for overnights, then that party’s schedule may have priority over the other’s and the employment schedule may rigidly dictate the overnight schedule. This means that the opposite party is willing to forego control over his/her own schedule in order to assure the Children’s continued access to both parents. Does it seem fairer for the party who is forced to adjust to the other party’s irregular schedule to make the proposal? In this situation, the steps are schedule exchange, proposal submitted, comments & adjustments, and when completed, enter to a shared digital calendar.

Early employment start time/Overnight work. There are many variations on this issue; having an employment schedule that negates “joint physical custody” under Maryland law. Maryland law counts only “overnights” for physical custody. If one party works a regular schedule from 6 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., every morning, this may require expensive work-related childcare when the children are young. If there is no available/affordable work-related childcare that party may not be able to have weekday morning overnights. It takes an extraordinary co-parent who will be willing or able to provide childcare at the home of the other to make the custody schedule work. Depending on the early-morning schedule, it may be more practical to drop the kids at the other party’s home on the way to work and send them off to school from there every day. This has a higher rate of success in the earlier stages of post-separation custody sharing, before new spouses are in the picture, and while the Children are elementary school age. Once new spouses are in the picture, the morning childcare issue may resolve itself. Sometimes “beforecare” resolves the problem once the Children are enrolled in school.

The early-morning working parent may have the benefit of being available for after-school supervision. Even if the early-morning shared custody cannot happen, building in hands-on custody time every day can be very satisfying for parent and Children, and also minimizes work-related childcare costs. Similar adjustments can be made, for example, with firefighters, who often work 4-days on, 4-days off, which may limit overnight custody but may build in substantial work-day parental childcare opportunities, especially for preschoolers.

The parties are in the best position to discuss these details with a Maryland mediator in child custody to tailor your custody schedule to fit what works best for your children.

Distant Co-Parents

Transportation responsibility and expense is an integral part of mediation negotiations for families who live in separate homes that are not convenient enough to the other to allow easy transitions. The cost of non-automobile transportation might be a shared expense, and this creates additional conflict. The question of whether a Child is old enough to travel by train, bus or plane may require mediation with a skilled Maryland mediator. This kind of schedule often results in one party being the primary “School year” parent and the opposite party having the majority of the Children’s non-school year time. These couples are mindful to build in rules about daily communications between the parents and Children on non-custodial periods, such as daily “Facetime” at 7:00 p.m. as a default. The availability of teleconferencing has vastly improved daily communications between parents and children of divorce, and most especially for “distant” co-parents who may experience long periods between access period to the children. Some parents go as far as to build in reading books during the goodnight call, and if parties hope to raise well-adjusted children who feel attention from both parents, they should be willing to invest in these practices and routines.

The exchange of children during the transitions from one home to the other may require some patience or more. I had a couple who met halfway at a McDonald’s playland and at a meal together as a family and allowed the Children to enjoy the outing and associate that fun with the transition. Sometimes rules need to be built-in about “excessive reluctance” of a child to get into a parent’s car and create a process to address it. It may be something simple like bringing the family dog in the car.

As an aside, I have had many cases where one party relocated to be in proximity to the opposite party, or a party planned to do so in the future. In such a case, we outline the “distant” parenting plan and anticipated future plan. Such a plan might say “Upon Party’s A’s relocation to the greater Charleston, South Carolina area within the next 12 months; or “Upon Party’s A’s relocation to be within 20 miles of any of the Children’s schools” then the custody schedule shall be equal and the parties shall employ an equal 5-5-2-2 physical custody schedule. If the relocation does not occur the parties still have a schedule in place and if the relocation occurs, there is no need for additional negotiation (i.e. involvement of legal processes) and therefore that portion of the parenting plan becomes self-operating.

Loosey Goosey

Some parents are so cooperative and/or their respective schedules are so erratic that communication to negotiate custody based on all schedules occurs every week. Whether this is sustainable on an ongoing basis is more predictable when the parties have been separated a long time and have already demonstrated their ability to cooperate like this. If a party is in mediation and insists on such a schedule, the Maryland mediator might encourage the couple to commence their arrangements while the mediation is still ongoing, even if that means employing their physical scheduling process while they are living in the same Home to see if it works. This allows the mediator to check in on how it is going and give the parties the practice they need to see if the Loosey-Goosey is workable (it often is not.) I usually suggest that if the parties insist on “no schedule” that each party reserves his/her right to demand a static schedule. The most compelling reason for loosey-goosey is to avoid expensive shared childcare costs. More often the parties have a “default” schedule to be employed if the parties’ cannot agree so that in any conflict there is an “answer” to which party has custody. The absence of a default schedule feels like conflict waiting to happen. It’s better to have a schedule and not need one, than to need one and not have one. Having a schedule that is convenient to neither party is often an incentive to reach their “Loosey Goosey” schedule. If this process is used, I suggest the parties have a shared digital calendar and enter all scheduling agreements. Putting things in writing helps everyone be compliant and gives the parties a chance to address misunderstandings in advance.

Conclusion

Where there is a will to ensure your children will have two involved parents there should be a way to figure it out. Mediation puts the control of the process about addressing the parenting needs of their Children in the hands of their parents. That makes mediation of child custody matters, no matter how complicated, a more productive place to address Maryland child custody matters than attorney-led custody negotiations.